If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
