Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize