Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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