i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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