i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
