I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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