When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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