he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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