Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
