Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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