I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
This is the high leading the old right now
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Randomize
