he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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