he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
