How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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