I can't watch pbs sober anymore
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
