Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I deserve this hangover.
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