After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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