Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize