And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
