Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
