If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
