hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
