Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
