fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
