I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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