my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
