i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Hippo gnu deer
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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