youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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