All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
