Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
All I want is dick and wine.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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