Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
