So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
