whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
