Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
