I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
