In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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