We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
