perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
