I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
