Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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