i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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