Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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