You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
