MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
