soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
