My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
