i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Randomize
