Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
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She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
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he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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