saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
