either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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