Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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