So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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