My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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