Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
