hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
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