Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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