This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
