i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
