During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
