Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
