I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
