Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize