Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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