haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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