the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
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You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
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Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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