I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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