you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
