all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
