I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
either way he was missing a nipple.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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