I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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